Words on Truth

Explanation

2007-07-31T21:08:00.000-07:00

I thought before I moved on to other topics I might give an explanation as to why I choose to entitle the last 13 Post as “What Can Be Said”.

When I started this series I really had no idea as to why I chose this title for the topic, other than I hoped it would cause people to be curious enough to read into what was being said.
However, somewhere within sharing my past and being where God wanted me to be I began to see how the events of the past are directly related to the understanding of present-day.

For years I wondered what God had in mind for me but not enough to do anything about it. Not enough to be active in a spiritual way, or to be where He wanted me to be and under the Authority of those who are now over me. I had an understanding of who God was and when I started to return to Church and be where God wanted me to be I gained a new understanding of God. Over the last two years or so that understanding changed again. I moved from one understanding to another understanding or as the Word of God says, moving from one type of glory to another type of glory. Praises be to God.

Still, with all possible humility I say that what ever distance I have come spiritually speaking, there are depths of understand that I can not currently fathom.

So to answer the question, “what can be said”?
We have a Sovereign God who demands our obedience and our loyalty and our devotion. And how better than to show you in the Word of God.

1 Peter 2:9-10 But you are (A)A CHOSEN RACE, A (B)royal PRIESTHOOD, A (C)HOLY NATION, (D)A PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you (E)out of darkness into His marvelous light;
10(F)for you once were NOT A PEOPLE, but now you are THE PEOPLE OF GOD; you had NOT RECEIVED MERCY, but now you have RECEIVED MERCY.

A) 1 Peter 2:9 : Is 43:20; Deut 10:15
B) 1 Peter 2:9 : Is 61:6; 66:21; 1 Pet 2:5; Rev 1:6
C) 1 Peter 2:9 : Ex 19:6; Deut 7:6
D) 1 Peter 2:9 : Ex 19:5; Deut 4:20; 14:2; Titus 2:14
E) 1 Peter 2:9 : Is 9:2; 42:16; Acts 26:18; 2 Cor 4:6
F) 1 Peter 2:10 : Hos 1:10; 2:23; Rom 9:25; 10:19

What Can Be Said 013

2007-07-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

Continuing with Post # 012, I am finding the part of my past that I wanted to write about is difficult to put into words, there is too much detail and not enough words. Sometimes the pictures of our memories are not easily put into words. As stated in the phrase, “a picture is worth a thousand words.” I guess the challenge is going to know what to add and what to exclude.

“Even in the negative thought progress of one’s own depravity God will get your attention.” I had originally intended to put down in words every detail of how God had decided to get my attention, and how it had affected me spiritually. However, I think if I did that it would be more like glorifying me than glorifying God. I know that the, “old man” in me enjoys the idea of what your response would be concerning those events. Moreover, we are in no way here to glorify ourselves, but it is God Almighty whom the glory belongs.

To be completely truthful it wasn’t until some years had passed that I looked back and understood that God was tapping me on the shoulder and it was God telling me that I had strayed beyond the limitations of the flock. We are after all under Authority and we do have limitations. Indeed, we are free, but there are without doubt places that will be harmful for us to stray into.

I remember just before calling to God and just after thanking Him for saving me from each event, for “pulling me through” as it were, though that feeling of thankfulness didn’t stay long. I guess I just wasn’t ready to admit that I was angry over my physical condition. Moreover, I certainly was not ready to say I was sorry for my actions or my feelings.

I’m sure no one looks forward to the feeling of impending death; and fear that I felt was real but I’m not sure on some level it wasn’t what I really wanted. Not the fear, but the death. Life in it self can be miserable but having to live with the fact that you will never again have that that was taken away is (or was) beyond what could handle. In the simplicity of my mind, I knew I was saved, and in that gave a kind of comfort to the idea. I hated what I was and what I had become and I hated God for putting me in that situation.

I never did attempt to take my own life, not in the traditional ways. I simply continued on the path I was heading, slowly tearing down whatever was left.

The bright spot in this situation is that God did eventually get my attention and He did help me to come to terms with my physical condition. Although I still didn’t understand the, “why” in all this, God taught me that I could live this way and that I could worship Him this way. The breath the depth and the length of all this would take time and I was willing to wait.

It was 1998 when I finally started coming back to Church, yeah I had come a couple times a year for a while but I still remember the Sunday that I was sitting in Church and I realized that I had come two weeks in a row. Seems silly now but it was very important to me then. Yes, I still mess up and I still have questions but not as many as before. Thank you Lord.

What Can Be Said 012 (Camouflage)

2007-05-29T18:57:00.000-07:00

The stealthiness of our own ignorance, although reproved often in the Word, is more often the one thing we spend the most time perfecting, rather than spending time on those things that could deepen our relationship with God. We could be working on our prayer lives, (or prayer relationship) or we could be working on opening ourselves to God so He can work on changing us and bringing us further from that point in our lives where we were once alienated from the Father.

I speak now of my own mind as I do not know the mind of others. I do not intend to give excuse or lay blame to the past, how I was raised or under what conditions. God has made me to be my own person in that, I am responsible for that which is my own understanding, my own choices. I allowed these choices to become an expanse, a place where I did not want God to be.

There are within me things that I tried cleverly concealing from God, small dark little secrets that I never wanted to come out. God in His wisdom brought them to the surface of my mind but I pushed them back and concealed them with a smile. In His desire for me to grow, He found them and put them in my remembrance but I camouflaged them with prayer and worship. God, again, uncovered them and put them in the path of my feet, I tried to step over, I tried to kick them aside, I tried to cover them up but they would not move. He was telling me I would not move forward until I was willing to deal with them, until I was willing to work through them with Him. I could not move forward or side step them, but I did move. I was not willing to be obedient, in the stealthiness of my flesh I chose to step backwards.

As is with most people who are not willing to see that God has their best interest in mind that first step is usually followed by a second and third step further into the realm of disobedience.

It’s amazing, (in an daunting sort-of-way) to become aware that you have gone from being angry at God to realizing that you have no feelings at all, while adopting all manor of worldly habits and phrases. However, that was just an illusion. Even in the negative thought progress of one’s own depravity God will get your attention.

What Can Be Said 011

2007-04-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

I don’t know when things started to change for me, it seemed as though things were going well with the out patient therapy. At first, I would get a ride to the Hospital and after a while, I began to wheel myself down there a couple times a week. Somewhere in the midst of getting to know my family again and learning that, some limitations were more like innovative challenges I began to adjust to this new life style that had been superimposed on my life.

It is true that I began to adjust to the wheelchair and those other things that accompanied the paralysis but there was still a large part of me not adjusting. Thinking back, I suppose being a teenager at that time probably didn’t help the emotions I was feeling. It feels, now, as if I was alienated from everyone I knew. I am not sure this is the best explanation for the moods and daunting feelings that started so long ago and the feelings I used to keep me from God and keeping me from healing.

At first, it was little things like tossing a bowl of sliced pears on my then little brother (now just younger) for reasons I have long forgotten or getting into yelling matches with my mom and roaming the city until late in the evening just to keep me away from everyone.

I got so tired of people telling me how well I seemed to be handling “it”, whatever “it” was. I don’t think I ever told anyone that the smile that was on my face and the kind teenager everyone liked to talk about was nothing but a facade. It was nothing other than what I thought people wanted to see. I hid the fear and anguish for months but no matter how hard I tried to keep it in, it found its way out and unfortunately my family got the blunt end of all my emotions.

In addition, to make it worst, I began to get muscle spasms in my legs and stomach and of course, the typical response for such things was to medicate. The started me on a prescription of muscle relaxants, which just happened to be mood enhancers making it very difficult for anyone to want to stay around me for too long.

We stayed in Bangor until the next spring until a small insurance settlement was finally decided. There was thirty thousand dollars total, Ten went to the Lawyers Ten to the hospitals and Ten was given to my mom in guardianship. We took that money, put a down payment on a hunting cabin, and bought a large wood stove to heat with in cold weather. I don’t remember how we ended up back in the woods but we did. All I remember is when we went to look at it; it reminded me of our farm we had left behind. I remember the smell of the fir trees and the apple blossoms and something that could only be described as comfort. The comfort from being back in the woods. A feeling that was only a memory in my mind since before all this began. Things that could never be found among the concrete and blacktop of city life.

Finally, I thought! Back where I belonged! Sure, it wasn’t our farm and there were seven acres and not one hundred but there was enough room to live again.

So here, we were hauling water by the buckets again and using kerosene lanterns to light the cabin with again but the different was I wasn’t the one doing it. There was no cutting wood or hauling water for the obvious reasons. I just couldn’t do these things anymore. I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter, I tried to get out and do what I could, I tried, but something just was not there anymore.

I thought I had found a way to re-bury those emotions that had been terrorizing me for the last months before we moved out here. I thought if I could just live, they would go away.

How often do we think if we could just show our good side and never let anyone know what we are truly feeling, that with enough time those thoughts, problems, or situations will simply go away? That’s the trap! (I’m not talking about dwelling on the past what I am talking about those things that we carry around with us like old, torn, banged up luggage bags). How often in the New Testament, is it recorded that Jesus knew their real thoughts? When we hide those thoughts and don’t work out our emotional problems we lie both to ourselves and to the One who knows all our thoughts. The problem can originate years age but it is what we are feeling now that needs to be dealt with.

It seems that after enough time passes and the anger that accompanies these old feelings builds large enough within us we tend to see all the negative things about the people around us. Because that is all we see in ourselves, especially in our Christian friends.

Eighteen years would go by before I would allow God to help me sort though those things.

Just A Note

2007-02-16T16:45:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to take a moment to thank all those for the comments and encouragement. I’m trying to get the next little chapter written but I am still adjusting to the new schedule.

I was interviewed by the St. Petersburg Times this afternoon concerning being one of the Crossing Guard Patrol and part of the Citrus County Sheriff's Office, headed up by Sheriff Jeff Dawsy.

So, since this blog was mentioned in the interview, (I can’t imagine by whom) I thought I might leave a little thank you for anyone who might visit after reading the news article.

The Post should be read in proper order beginning with November 2006, the post which may or may not have been mentioned in the paper were those pertaining to my life. Which are labeled as, “What Can Be Said” in order beginning with 001.

The regular posts will resume shortly. Thank you again.

Paul R. Dickinson

What Can Be Said 010

2007-02-06T11:49:00.000-08:00

One of the most significant differences between going into a hospital to heal and entering a hospital to recover is the Rehabilitation. The different between the two is when you are healing what you get is nurses catering to what ever needs you have. When you are there to recover and rehabilitate what you get is a daily regiment of instructions, which sums up to pain and discomfort in order to change you from your current condition to a better state of being.

This, however, is not completely unfamiliar to people who follow the teachings of Christ. In the same way, God who loves us enough to want the very best for us does not leave us in the state we were in at that moment of reconciliation, nor the state we are currently in. God tells us in the (Gospel of Mark 4:32) we are to grow up in faith, (Ephesians 4:13) we are to become more Christ like, (Romans 12:2) we are to be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God,
(2 Corinthians 3:18) we are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. This is just a sample of scriptures that tell Christians there will be a daily regiment of instructions, and with that there is sure to be pain and discomfort. How can one change from one state of being to another without the accompaniment of tenderness. Even to ask of such a thing would be to deny what Christ sacrificed for us. See John chapter 19 for more understanding.

I really had no idea what I was in for, in fact I had never heard of “rehab” before this all started. The time I had spent in the last hospital did not include exercising or stretching. So after showering and having breakfast a Therapist would come in the room and help me to stretch, as much as was possible with all the cast and braces on me.

I do not remember how long that went on before the Halo brace was removed, really all I remember is the actual day it was unbolted from my head. I realize I am using phrases that make removing the brace sound very graphic, but that is the only way I can get across to the reader the pain that accompanied this could only be weighed against the pain of the bolts being tightened the first time.

I think that it might be possible my dates might be off some, it is difficult for me to remember proper sequence of some memories and some dates. Thinking back, I remember Christmas that year being either just before or just after my arriving back in Maine. The reason I wonder about this is that there is a memory of Mom and my brothers and sister waiting until I got out of the hospital so I could have Christmas with them. I tell you the truth, whether Church family or biological family, life with out family would make recovery far more difficult.

Before I could leave the Hospital there were several things, I had to be able to do. The first was of course was being able to take care of myself, meaning bathing, dressing and being able to transfer into a vehicle.

Part of the daily regiment was to be able to do one hundred pushups, every day, five days a week, one hundred push-ups were required along with a half hour of stretching and standing in a machine that holds you up-right. This was to increase blood circulation through out my body. Interesting how that works, God did not design this body to be permanently in the sitting position.

I was soon to leave the hospital after what seemed years rather than months, though I still had to prove myself to the head of the Physical Therapy Department. She had me come to the department room and sit on the edge of mat, which was about two feet off the ground sitting on a platform that looked much like a full size bed. Once I got there she walked over to me and shoved me backward. Then again she shoved me to the right and again to the left, trying to push me off balance and to fall back onto the mat. The idea was to make sure I could catch myself before falling. To make sure all those things they had taught me were going to stay with me. And in fact they have always stayed with me.

Those things which were taught to me were taught with a reason and a purpose. I remember the Doctor telling me on a particularly rough day I was having. He said, “You have two choices, you live with your disability or you die with it. And if you live with it, you live with it alone.” He was telling me not to rely on anyone for help. To be totally independent meant not needing anyone, to be solely reliant on no one.

That statement did get me out of the Hospital and it did help me to deal with the idea of being restricted to a wheelchair for (what they said) would be the rest of my life. However that same thought process had later proved to be (and still to some degree) one of the hardest things to let go of. (John 3:30) “He must increase, but I must decrease”.

The day I left I was brought to a small house about a mile or so from the Hospital. It still was not clear in my mind that this is where I would be living and that I would not be going back to the farm. Somewhere in my mind I must have figured if I went back and lived on the farm again all this would just disappear. But truly there was no way I could do all those things necessary to live the way we did such a short time ago.

It is simply amazing how fast life can change, but that is another day’s story to tell. Continued…

What Can Be Said 009

2007-01-25T22:39:00.000-08:00

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It’s a funny thing about a child’s perception. As time was passing and I was trying to adjust to all that had happened, I was asked a question. I was asked where I wanted to spend my time in rehab, as that Hospital was a Teaching Hospital and did not offer the kind of rehabilitation I was going to need. I was told there was a great Rehabilitation Hospital in Jacksonville. But that really didn’t sink in. All I could think of was going back to Maine. My mind processed it as going back in time. Erasing the last few months and pretending it never happened. So I said I wanted to return to Maine but in my mind I wasn’t going into another Hospital I was going home, back to what I had left behind.

Since I had been hospitalized there had been several News articles written about myself and that accident. Many of the reported things about me were only partially correct. There were rumors that I had died, that I would be paralyzed from the neck down and such things as that. When Christmas came there had been a rather large article called, “Home for Christmas” and the challenges we would face in doing so. I remember there had been one gentleman who had read the article who offered to fly me home in a private plane, and one of the nurses that cared for me offered to fly up with my Mother and me to help insure a safe trip.

The News Paper, (The Inverness Chronicle) had also wrote about the rather large sum of money it would take to make such a journey. They had asked the public to help make that Christmas one I would remember. There was also a woman who’s name was Lee Blair, who had been there from the start. I had no idea who this lady was, only that she was a dear Christian woman who wanted to help. I still don’t know who she was or where she came from. Only that she was a tremendous blessing sent from God. It was she that had collected all the donations from all the people in this area who chose to help a Mother and her son.

As it turned out we didn’t need the nurse of the private plane for the trip. I don’t remember why we ended up on a regular commercial flight after all the concerned comments about the dangers. I can tell you this though, I was quite a sight! My left leg in a cast up to the hip, a body cast that went from my waist to my neck and sporting the latest fashion in neck traction! Not one person passing by could resist looking at me and of course, I had to be seated in the very front row from easy access.

It is easy to look back now and smile about it or to make fun of the situation, but at the time I felt as though I belonged in the circus. As odd as it may seem, I think it was the looks from the children that helped to adjust to being looked at all the time. Or worst yet, to be looked at and see a quickly turning head as I look back at them. However, with children it was different; kids don’t quickly turn away before you can make eye contact. And it gave me a chance to smile at them and to see them occasionally smile back. Kids are very open and honest with their questions or comments. But they never judge you by what you look like. Adults seem for the most part to have forgotten how to do that. They think its rude behavior or impolite, at least after they get caught looking at what obviously seemed odd or different to them.

It isn’t my intention to put other adults down, but only to express that children have something that we adults have forgotten. Perhaps that’s why they are so important to Christ, and why He says we must become like children in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven!
Matthew 18:3 “and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”.

Once we got to Maine we landed at the Bangor (ban gor) not (ban ger) International Airport and was shuttled in an ambulance right back to another hospital. And here I would spend the next six months before getting to go home. Only, it wasn’t going to be the home I remembered. Continued…

What Can Be Said 008

2007-01-21T21:38:00.000-08:00

Two months or so had passed between the events surrounding returning the car to its owner and when I found myself lying in a hospital bed, torn from everything that was familiar to me. Everything in my world was about to change in a way I never would have imagined.

Not too long ago I had been given an opportunity to deliver a Sunday afternoon message to a wonderful group of elderly folk who lived in a local long-term-care-center.

As I sat before them ready to deliver my message, I flashed back to the days I spent hospitalized. I began to express to them, (with a depth of compassion I had never felt before) how I could feel what they were going through. How I felt their emotion, their depression, even their sense of self loss. I told them how I understood the feeling of being torn from the lives they knew.
Their sense of freedom, their ability to make their own decisions, but especially how it felt to be plucked out of the very world they had come to know, that world they had come to rely on, that which they had felt comfort and security from. It didn’t matter if their world was in their opinion a good one or not, you can get used to most any situation after a while, even realize there was a kind of comfort, once that comfort has been removed and replaced by something completely unfamiliar.

What I remember most about the time in the hospital was the smells; you can become very used to the smells of your own little piece of the world. A type of comfort you never realized was there, like the particular brand of soap or shampoo, the way your clothing smelled fresh out of the dryer. Then to suddenly wake up to an entirely different world of smells in a controlled environment. Our senses play a big part in forming our memories and create a sense of security.

My intent that day was to express to those kindly people that God had not deserted them. Just as He had not deserted me all those years ago when I was plucked from the world I knew.

Returning to November 1980 mid-way through the month. Once I became alert and somewhat oriented with where I was, the Dr. which was caring for me as well as a team of nurses surrounded my bed. In his seemingly cold, professional way, he began filling in the blanks for me. As he told me what had happened, (and even to this day) it felt as if he was telling me about someone else. You never envision that tragic events like this could happen to you.

He gave me the highlights and my mother filled in the details. She told me how I was hit be a passing car which was heading in the same direction, that they brought me to the little hospital here in town and as they had no way of properly caring for this type of injuries they had flown me in a Coast Guard Helicopter to a much larger Hospital some fifty miles north of here.

She explained what damage was done and how it would affect my life. There were a total of seven bones broken in that incident. Both lower bones in my left leg were broken, (the tibia and fibula) the left side of my pelvis had received such an impact it was shattered into pieces. My spine, although technically had not severed, was damaged beyond modern medicine ability to repair.

I still remember how she bald her two fists up to symbolize my spine and showed me how my back had arched to a point of chipping the edges off the vertebrae, (Thoracic 5, 6&7) And last, but absolutely not lease, one of the vertebrae in my upper neck had been severed. Level, C2. (Cervical level 2) I was told had the break been another vertebrae higher it would have taken away my ability to breath.

Other than by the grace of God Himself, I never understood how the nerves in my neck had not severed and the nerves in my back had. I was left as a Paraplegic rather than as a Quadriplegic. (Para- meaning two limbs, quad- meaning four).

They also had to explain to me that because I had broken my neck I had to have my neck in traction. This consisted of two half inch bolts which they had screwed into the temple area of my head while I was still unconscious. At the other end of a cable there were two weights that kept my neck straight while it began to set and heal. And that’s where I stayed for the next month.

As I began to heal and get a little strength back and as we talked about going back to Maine, there came the problem of mobility. As another team of Doctors and nurses gathered around the bad, they sent my mom out of the room after explaining what they were going to do. They not only sent her out of the room they told her she had to leave that floor of the hospital. I remember there was one person there who was responsible for making the cast for what would be the anchors of what they called a Hallo Brace. Although this contraption is fairly well know now, in 1980 it was still knew and few who had heard of this Hallo Brace.

As they began to stick needles in four areas of my head, to (as they said) numb the area before they screwed knew bolts in, I remember holding onto the hand of the man that was standing beside me, he turned out to be the same guy who made the casting. As I grasped his hand, he held on and never let go through the whole ordeal. I realize this in it self doesn’t seem very important but this gentlemen was the first African American I had ever met, not to mention held on to. There just weren’t many African Americans in the area of Maine that I lived in. This man helped to shape and influences my opinion of a totally different race of people. I will never forget how that man stayed there with me ever moments of what was by far the most painful thing I had gone through up to that point. The amazing thing about all this is that My God even through all this was teaching me to love my neighbor. Continued…
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Abstract Truth

2007-01-06T19:49:00.000-08:00

Creator of this world,
It belongs to You,
Beast of the ground, birds of the air,
Man from the dust, breath of God,
Rib did You take, desirable to her mate,

Tree in the midst, taste of death,
Snake in the grass, from beginning to end,
Labor with birth, labor of earth,
Worship was lost, along came Seth.

Floods came, destroyed the earth,
A branch from the Olive, Peace again,
Your Rainbow in the sky,
A promise from You, Thy fury subsides,

On Eagles wings Israel You delivered,
Complain as they did, Your might restrained,
Food rained from the sky,
Water poured from a rock,
Moses Your chosen, directed Your flock,

Babylon tower, rise of futility,
Disobedience in their heart,
Confusion on their tongue,
Scatter to the earth, dwell under the sun,
Rose up again, from all corners within,
Confusion in their heart, Disobedience on their tongue,
God will not be mocked, it is almost done,

From the line of David, Jesus comes,
Baptized in the Jordan, Honored from above,
Tempted by Satan, could not be undone,
Shone His love, healed the beloved,
Gather the children, faithless are none,

Chased by many, stoned by some,
Captured in the garden, deceived by one,
Beat Him with straps, pulled out His beard,
Mocked by many, mourned by family,

Judge by the world, guilty they said,
Release Barabbas in His stead,
Dragged through the streets, hung on a tree,
Cursed are all, the prophesies state,

Thieves in the midst, one on each side,
One repented, the other dies,
Blood and water, flow from within,
Christ revealed even then,

Taken to a cave, held by a stone,
Three days within, death could not hold,
Scar on His hands, hole in His side,
Shone to his servants, He did not die,

Defeated evil, rose to His throne,
Restoration was known,
For You are our Salvation, they can not defeat.

What Can Be Said 007

2007-01-01T20:19:00.000-08:00

The only way I can think to explain the emotion behind returning Warrens Car to him would be to tell you of a particular event that took place one night when we were still getting used to life on the farm.

After dinner the usual at home was clearing the dishes, making sure there was enough wood for the next morning and for most finding a good book to consume our imaginations with. As you can probably guess, bed time came early at home. There was always more work than could be done in a single day. And having goats was always one of the biggest challenges. You can’t imagine how hard it is to keep goats in a wooden fenced in area when they want out.

That night started out the same as any but when you have chickens and goats and other farm animals you have to always keep your ears out for critters that may decide to try and make a meal out of your animals.

We were sitting around the table as it began to get dark out; I'm sure I was doing something to occupy my mind for a short while before bed. Not long after it had gotten dark we began to hear a blood curdling high pitched squeals and howls. This was the first time I had ever heard such a noise. The sound of a pack of Coyotes can send shivers and make the hair stand up on your neck regardless to how big a man you might be. That shrill noise can certainly make any one think twice about walking out into the dark night.

Never-the-less that’s exactly what we did. Dad, Fred and I reached for the guns and a hand full of extra ammunition and rushed out the front door, straight toward the howl of those Coyotes. The adrenaline that coursed through me was like nothing I had ever experienced. We started out on a fast run and slowed as we got closer to their howls. Soon we had gone so far we could no longer see lights in the cabin, that’s when the adrenaline turned to fear.

As it turned out they saw or smelled us before we could see them. A couple a shots in the air and they went silent. That was the last we heard of them that night. I can still remember how my body shook as we got near to the house. Not in fear but in relief that it was over.

...After it was decided that the car had to go back it became a matter of setting up a meeting place. We sent message that we would leave the car at a friend’s house and that he could pick it up there. The next morning Dad, Fred and I piled into the car for one last ride, and just like that night with the Coyotes, we went armed with our weapons. We were taught not to trust anyone, and always be prepared for that unknown factor that exists in all of us. “The human factor”! It was time to hunt down those howls again. The different was, this time they were in the shape of a man.

I recall the ride there as being extremely nerve racking. It was thirty or so miles to the town where we would meet Warren. When we got there we all three kept watch for Warren just in case he was in another vehicle. We didn’t want him coming up from behind or getting to the meeting place before we were ready for him. Once we got there we took the back roads and cut through parking lots to avoid as many intersections as possible.

When we were finally there, we sat there in the car for a moment, as if wishing this was already over.

It’s interesting to realize that the same emotion I felt running down those wild animals was the exactly the same as not knowing if we all would get out of this alive. The response from adrenaline is powerful and I can see where it could become addictive and corruptive of ones soul. Making something that one would never imagine seem suddenly very possible.

We sat at the house where we arranged to meet Warren for just a few moments when a car stopped across the road and he jumped out with a spare key. And just as quickly as those Coyotes went silent, he drove away. Without a single incident, it was over.

We got a ride back to the city shortly after but this time the weapons went in the trunk. As happy as I am that it went uneventful I will never forget how that day could have ended very differently. The Glory be to God above. Several years would pass before I saw that little town again. Continued…

What Can Be Said 006

2006-12-18T21:37:00.000-08:00

Psalm 24:1-2 The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for he founded it upon the seas and established it upon the waters. (ESV)

(Isaiah 48:13) My own hand laid the foundations of the earth, and my right hand spread out the heavens; when I summon them, they all stand up together. (ESV)

Before I get into the next events, it is necessary to understand that at times (and most would agree) bad things happen for reasons that we may not understand and sometimes those events involve people in our lives. It is not for us to question (though we do), it is not for us to become angry (though I did), and it is not for us to blame others whom may be used of God.

(For a better understanding on this topic visit J.D.’s blog, “voice of vision” look under the title, “Sandpaper people”. You will be blessed)!

This particular evening there was a Wednesday night bible study going on and it was taking place at our house this week. It fact this was the first time it had taking place at our home. Perhaps because everyone had to walk the last quarter mile to get to the house. There was just no getting through what we loving referred to as, “Frog City”. In fact there were not many times anyone could drive through that wet area.

As the sun was setting and everyone still eating, (which church people do well) I saw a figure come from the wood-line heading for the house. This was always an intense moment waiting to see who was coming from the woods toward the house. We had very few visitors on any other day than this; all other visitors were treated with caution and with a great lack of trust. Seeing someone walk out from the tree-line as the sun was setting could never be a good thing.

The wife of the man who I saw nearly every morning for breakfast had walked up to the front door, opened it and was very much welcomed. Much to everybody’s surprise she was in full blown tears. She told how her husband mistreated her in a physical manor and that he had done the same to her several times in the past. This particular day Fred was here as well, in fact we had borrowed this same man’s car so we could double date that past weekend.

What I saw happen next I never thought I would see. The suggestion was made that this woman’s children needed to be taken out of their house just to be safe. (Carol and Warren just to give them addressable name), had four children, the oldest of the girls was the person I had taken out on a date that past weekend. I thought sure those people that I had come to respect would step up and help. Not one did. Fred and I drove to the church where the Pastor was still, we told him what had happened and he turned us down as well. (There was a particular reason he could not come help but that is not my story to tell).

There weren’t many times I was happy to see my older brother but this was indeed one of those times I was glad he was around. I was born ten months later than Fred which always caused a lot of tension between us. We fought and argued more often in the month of October than most siblings do all year. Every October for twenty eight days he and I were the same age.

However, this night all our problems were going to be set aside for a ride and an event that I would never forget and would be the start of a life altering change for both my family and myself.

We drove back to the house to tell everyone what the Pastor had said in hopes that some of them would have changed their minds. The fact that none had did in no way deter what we had planned. Fred and I got back in Warren’s car and drove over to his house. When we got there we found the front door was unlocked, so in we went. I had been there many times and knew right where to go. Their house was designed in a way that left the center part of the house open with a loft on either side of the house. As well, the house was an unfinished building, so they had sheets hanging as a wall partition in the room where Warren was now asleep. Fred and I climbed the makeshift latter on either side, woke up the kids and carried them out the door to the car and went back in for the rest.

I guess Warren never woke up, which was fortunate for us, as he was a grizzly of a man. I’m not sure a well placed two-by-four would have had much effect on a man of his stature.

We drove the four children back to our house and back to the waiting arms of their mother. What we had done was pretty stupid; we never considered the consequences that such an act would bring about. We all settled in for the night but I don’t remember getting much sleep at all. The adrenalin that was pumping through me was making it difficult to sleep, or perhaps it was the fact that I had no idea what the morning would bring after doing something that quite possibly could have ended up very different than it had.

This situation was proving to be far from over, the next morning what should have happened was we should have returned Warrens car back to him. But as foolish as teens can be, we kept the car. (I’m not sure where we went), but Mom and we four kids got into the car and were gone for several hours. When we got back Warren had been there looking for his car. In the state of mind he was in he paid no attention to his family being there in the house, in his anger he threw a kerosene lantern across the cabin, walked out the door with a hand full of sugar and dumped it in the gas tank of the farm truck, then picked up the axe we were using to split firewood with and smashed the windshield of the truck as well.

That day would prove to be the last time I would ever see our cabin and the place I had grown to love. I never imagined I would live anywhere but on that farm. I had even picked out the place where I would one day build my own cabin.

When we saw what had taken place while we were gone, mom decided we had to get out of there. This time we packed everyone up in the car and we drove to town and stopped at one of the families that were at the house the night before. They said Carol and her children could stay there with them, while we drove to the city to meet Dad.

Still, we had to return the car… Continued

What Can Be Said 005

2006-12-06T21:24:00.000-08:00

I believe I was talking about “potatoes” when last I left off. Perhaps you are aware or maybe not, but potatoes are a wonderful blessing from God. I know what you’re thinking. Potatoes? Have you ever left a bag of potatoes in the refrigerator crisper department too long and found that when you remembered that they were there they had a strange looking growth all over them? Kind of like tentacles or something? Did you know that you can cut a potato into two or three pieces and dig a hole in the ground and after a few weeks they will begin to grow the plant in which potatoes come from? As well, after a while you will begin to see little purple flowers blossom? Then in the fall you can dig up that plant and you will find a rather large bunch of potatoes have grown from that piece you planted back in the spring of the year.

Ok, that doesn’t work in Florida (I’ve tried it). We have a very small ant called the, “Sugar Ant” that will find the piece of potato and he and all his little buddies will devour it! But I have seen this first hand back on the farm.

But back to my point. The plant when it began to grow got its nourishment from that small piece of potato and the potatoes that grew later got there nourishment from the plant.

I’m getting to the real point, I promise. So here it is. At no time during the life of this vegetable did or could it have ever grown on its own. Neither the plant nor the potatoes were able to come to a completion without being reliant on another source.

Where am I going with all this horticultural babble? (Ephesians 3:17-19) …so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

(Rooted, Grounded… Potatoes)? (wink wink)

People, we can no sooner do this by any means of our own than the potato can grow and produce on its own! Earlier in this same chapter the Apostle Paul says, (3:2-3a) “assuming that you have heard of the stewardship of God's grace that was given to me for you, how the mystery was made known to me by revelation“.

Paul was speaking to the Ephesians concerning the Gentiles. He said in (3:6) This mystery is that the Gentiles are fellow heirs, members of the same body, and partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel.

Those who have received salvation through Christ, who have been rooted and grounded in love, strengthened to comprehend, filled with the fullness of God, must come to the realization that there was/is no human possibility that we could do these things or come to know these things with out being reliant on a source other than ourselves.

This is not a difficult concept to understand, (1Peter 2:9) But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

Like the potato, we can do nothing to get to our conclusion. We must stop trying to do this ourselves. We have been seeded from an imperishable source. All we need to do is obey God's Word and allow God to make us grow. That’s it. We can not do anything to cause ourselves to blossom. However by making poor choices we can make the growing experience more difficult on ourselves. Lord help me to become more reliant on you. In the name of Jesus. Continued...

What Can Be Said 004

2006-12-05T21:37:00.000-08:00

Hebrews 2:10 For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things, and through whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to perfect the author of their salvation through suffering.

People who have known pain are able to reach out to others who hurt. That word, “pain” is not exclusive to physical pain. Those who have had emotional pain, family pain, the pain of loss, these are all viable types of pain. But this also includes the suffering from temptation and testing, leading to obedience.

If you have suffered and have pushed through it, by the grace of God, The Lord tend to use that healing experience and even the low points of those times to show you how you can reach out to others that are going through similar things. Understand that someone who hasn’t gone through great suffering will have a hard time comforting those who are currently experiencing pain.

2 Corinthians 1:4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God

Let us not neglect that pain or suffering have benefits as well. 1Peter 2:21 (Christ is our example) For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving an example for you to follow in His steps.

Romans 5:8 Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. (ESV) As harsh as some may perceive this passage to be, it is as it is. If you want to learn to be obedient to God you need to be prepared to go through some suffering.

As time began to pass the Lord Jesus Christ became more prevalent in my life. He began to change the way I viewed the world and how important it was to interact with the world but not to be part of it. Such things as praying for the salvation of those in the world, passing out Bible Tracks and how important it was to be obedient to my parents. (Quite a task in it self)!

After dad left home there were some responsibilities that were passed to my older brother and I. Mom had to leave her job to take care of the house and the younger kids, as well as to help guide the older of us. Beside the regular chores that had to be continued daily, Fred (my older brother) and I began to farm the White Cedar trees and cut them into fence post and deliver them to a cedar mill five miles away. We had an old Dodge one ton work truck with a wooden truck bed which we used to haul the cedar to the mill. We also found out we could work well together when we needed to. He would cut down the thirty to forty foot trees and cut the limb off, cut them into twelve, ten, and eight foot logs and I would carry them to the truck still out in the field and load them up. This lasted only a few months before the little mill stopped taking anymore cedar. I remember the day the owner told us he wasn’t taking anymore posts. Looking into the eyes of those then fifteen and sixteen year old boys. He let us continue to bring a few more loads down. He told us we always bought him the best cedar he had to work with. I still remember the feeling I would get when he would hand us our money for each load. In 1979, $35.00 was a lot for two teens. We always brought the money back to mom and she always did her best with it.

Like most teens, Fred was no exception. After we could no longer haul cedar there wasn’t much to be seen of Fred, he had found himself a girl friend. She lived several counties away and Fred would stay there for several days at a time. There was one particular afternoon Fred and I had a pretty heated argument, he was getting ready to leave again and he wanted to take with him the shotgun we were using to hunt larger game with. After that argument Fred came home less and less. Yes, it was his gun after all, but we had a much greater need for it at that time. Did the ends justify the means? Probably not. But then, what fifteen year old who was now the oldest male in the house would'nt make mistakes?

So again there was my routine. I would get up early, make bread for the day, haul water from the well, chop wood for the cook stove, ride my bike the five miles to town when needed, hunt in the early evening so there would be meat for dinner, and read my bible by lantern before bed.

Toward the end of our time on the farm we were eating mostly oatmeal for breakfast and onions and potatoes for dinner. Those were things we bought by the fifty pound bags.

I remember the local Potato farmer letting us go behind the big mechanical pickers and bag up any potatoes that we could find after the picker went through. Praise God we always had potatoes! Continued…

What Can Be Said 003

2006-11-28T20:57:00.000-08:00

It seems a fairly well known fact in the circle of Christianity that God has a particular way of doing things. As well as a reason for doing things the way He does. If you were to read anywhere in Exodus chapter 35 through the end of that book, God teaches Israel how to worship. Even into Leviticus, (which take over where Exodus leaves off) you would find that the God of Israel who lead the captives into the wilderness and set up the Ark of Testimony, who gave the people very explicit step by step directions, does still require that His children follow the directions put down in His Holy Word.

Well,we had finally gotten settled in the cabin, we were reaching the point where we all had our duties and responsibilities, we were all pulling our share of the load. Mom had gotten a part time job to help with those things that… well just can’t be hunted, milked, or gardened. The essentials that nature just couldn’t supply in this day and age. Thing like cleaners, ammunition and the ever popular out-house tissue.

We had met a family while still living in the old farm house, turns out after we had moved into the new place, the other family moved as well. Now only being about three miles away we began visiting each other again. Thinking back; makes me smile when I remember getting up each morning and starting the wood cook stove and preparing to make fresh bread, enough for the day’s meals. Somehow the father of that family always knew when the first loaves were coming out of the oven, just like clock work, there would be a knock at the door and sure enough there he was! “Is the bread still hot”? He would say excitedly.

Not realizing it this same man and his family were also being directed of God. One weekend they had invited us to go and visit the little church where they were attending at the time. While unbeknownst to me dad and mom seemed to be having some challenges in their marriage.

Praise be to the Lord above, little time had passed before He began softening our hearts and giving us the understanding of all that His Son has done for us. My mother was the first to accept the Lord Jesus Christ as her Savior. That little crossroads church seated less that fifty people but when the Spirit of God visited, those old hymns just seemed to come alive.

It seems my memories fail me when I try to remember how many or if any others of my family received Salvation in that little church. I remember my mother and I remember the day I walked down that short little isle. Like so many other, including dear brother Dan, (shining the truth) when that old faithful, ”Just As I Am” got about half way through the first verse, I believe my feet were three steps ahead of the rest of my body. There was no prompting there, I was ushered. And quickly! When you are called upon by God Almighty you do not hesitate.

Note: There are things and events that God helped to put in the past. Through forgiveness and through grace, some details need to remain just that, in the past.

From the moment God's Redemption entered my mom, things began to change at home. As she began to read her bible and with the help of the Spirit of God she began to understand that things needed to change at home. The more she tried to correct the way things were, the more my mother and fathers challenges increased. Wasn’t long before Dad decided they could no longer live together. He moved into the city some thirty miles from home. From that point on things began to get difficult. But still God was in charge. Continued…

What Can Be Said 002

2006-11-19T20:33:00.000-08:00

In 1978, Massachusetts was already becoming a very taxable state. My father had spoke often of wanting to purchase a small farm or ranch. That being the way his father had raised him; I guess he wanted to pass that on to his own children. To learn how to be less dependant on the government and the worlds ways of doing things was important to my parents. I doubt he ever realized it, but God was starting us on a journey and a walk of life that would change our lives forever, and the Spirit of God would continue His teaching as the years continued to pass. My father in his earthly nature was being directed by God in His Devine nature.

So with things being what they were my folks decided to move to Maine. It was said that the State of Maine was still ten years behind the rest of the country, the growth of that state was still gentle, slow to grow, slow to populate. There was still good land and forest that had been untouched, unspoiled by the hands of man. Upon arriving we rented an old farm house and moved in to stay the winter and wait out the snow.

After a long cold winter my folks began looking for their “utopia“. After what I remember as being several months they found what they were looking for. It was a large parcel of land which was half fields and half wood. The parcel was close to a mile from the nearest town-maintained road, only drivable under the best of weather and certainly not in the spring or winter. We spent the spring in a old rusted out mobile home that we had pulled up the road, or at least as far as it could be pulled up what could be considered, hardly more than a cow path.

We began clearing and digging holes for the post of what would end up an octagon shaped log cabin. Dad in his “wisdom” chose a sight that over looked a large section of the front boarder and ran along the only road up there. The only problem with that was the house would be built into a rock hill. You can imagine how challenging that particular task was. Once the first level floor was built we moved under the floor, hung plastic from the sides and there we stayed untill the roof was finished.

My brother Dan recently reminded me of an incident that happened while we were still living under the house. We were having a particularly rainy week which slowed working on the house down to nearly a stand-still. We had to lay more plastic on the top side of the floor because the water was leaking through and onto everything we owned. That one particular night somehow more water was leaking through; we hung even more plastic from what would be our ceiling, or the bottom side of the floor. While we were all scrambling for a dryer spot to sleep in, the plastic had gathered up quite a large amount of water. It seemed that most of us had finally fallen to sleep. When like a cry from the wild, my dad screamed and stood straight up on my folk’s bed! It seems that there was not only a large amount of water hanging over my parents’ bed but it turned out it was extremely cold as well! I still remember him standing there in his one piece, pair of long underwear, teeth clinched together, saying, "DON'T TOUCH ME" to my mom as she tried to help him. I'm glad for the reminder.

As the house walls grew we were face with another difficult task, we had to find water. The first whole we dug out by shovel and bucket ended up becoming the out-house. Six feet down, four feet wide and not a drop of moister was to be found. Then we chose another sight to start digging, this one had more rock in it than dirt. This hole we dubbed, “the dry hole” and became a place for the old make-shift washer’s water to be drained into.

We had at some point came across and old burnt out foundation, at some point in history there had been another family living on the same piece of land. We reasoned that they had to have had access to water being so far from any town. Once we found the old surface well we realized that someone had filled it at some later point. We found things in there that we never expected to find in a well. Even an old double headed ax head and a broken handle. Once we got it all cleaned out the water began flowing into the old well once again. When the water finally filtered itself clean we could begin drinking it. However, we still had to get it to the house. It wasn’t difficult to figure out how we would get it there, what was difficult was lugging five gallon water buckets through tall grass and over a distant of near a hundred feet away. Wasn’t all too difficult after we got used to it, we got stronger and there was my dad my older brother and myself to take turns. Unless mom was doing laundry that day for the six of us!

So to catch up, we were living in a log house stuffed with moss to fill in the cracks between the logs, hauled water from a surface well which was too far away, we used kerosene lamps to see by at night, cut our own fire wood to cook with and heat the house when it was cold and walked nearly a mile to catch the school bus. Still you know, whith all that and probably more that I have forgotten about, I still loved every moment that we lived there.

And more than all that! God would soon pay us a visit… continued

What Can Be Said 001

2006-11-18T13:52:00.000-08:00

The phrase, “what can be said” is a general topic concerning all that God prompts me to write about. I felt “prompted” to begin by putting down in words how God worked in my life both as a new Christian and through out the last twenty seven years of my salvation.
My name is Paul, (my wife calls me Paulie) I’m 42 years of age and reside in Hernando Florida. I have been here for the better part of 20 years in the same County now. Aside from a couple years now and then to visit other states. Prier to that time I lived in the State of Maine.

At the rebellious age of 15, my Mother made the very wise decision to take her 4 children to Florida to visit and stay with her Parents. It was September, the year was 1980. We all crowded onto a Gray Hound bus heading south. Once we got to the sunny State of Florida we tried our best to get comfortable and start life over again. My younger brother and sister were enrolled in the local school system, while my Mother and I began looking for jobs in this then still small town. The town itself was small but the main road was already a very busy place. We at various times would walk the mile or so downtown to seek employment.

I remember walking into the only fast food place in town then, (McDonalds) and filling out an application. I was hired that same day. I worked one day and got a call from the local Pizza Hut. I remember it so well because it was my 16th birthday and we were having cake at the time they called.

October 1st 1980, As soon as I got there I was asked a couple simple questions and started me out washing dishes that very same day. Very little time had passed when they trained me to make pizza. One week turned into two and two quickly into three, I would often go in early to help open up and get things ready for the lunch crowd, even when it wasn’t my days to work. Even when I didn’t get paid for it.

It’s was November 5th now, and there was my schedule, I got up, jumped in the shower, sat and watched The Love Boat, (though I’m still not sure why) then headed down the road to help out and to get free lunch to-boot. I think I had eaten more pizza in that month than I have in the twenty six years since.

Thinking back, there was never any sense of impending danger, or even the feeling that I shouldn’t go out that day. That particular day started out just the same as any other day in the last month.

I remember as I walk along the roadside stopping to pull the sandspurs off my pant cuffs, or perhaps I had done it so often I just imagined that I had remembered doing it. The same can be said about the memory of needing to cross the road before entering the busy intersection. I had done it so often I really don’t remember if I did that day. All I remember was that I had a destination.

I became aware that I never made it to work that day, though more than two weeks had passed since I started out. During those two weeks there had been a great battle going on. And from where I was laying it seemed the majority of that time had been a losing battle. When my eyes did open and I realized that I didn’t recognize my surroundings. I began to panic. When I tried to lift my head, it was met with searing pain. When I realized I couldn’t move my legs I thought someone had tied me down. I obviously wasn’t thinking very clearly. It was but a few moments before I passed out again. The next time I awoke I found my mothers gentle face there beside me…. continued

Little Do Nothings

2006-11-17T02:08:00.000-08:00

If God is for us who can be against us… I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me… One God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all…

Do you really know who God is? There in the depths of God, fathom upon fathoms just when you think…

Is it ever enough? We as creations, can we ever say to the Creator, “I know enough?” Can the clay ever say to the Potter, “Ah, that’s good enough?”

If the blind are lead by a stick with a red tip on it, who leads the deaf?

If the moon rises in the east, and you’re facing north, where is the Son?

Why did the Chicken cross the road? To show the rest of us how to be obedient.

I thank God for giving us a sense of humor. There are times when humor is welcomed and there are times to be serious. I used what (humorous in itself) my spell check called fragmented sentences. Really what they are is little do nothings. I got that saying from my wife one day when we were at a local Chinese restaurant. You know those little crisp, fried noodle looking things that they put on your table while your waiting for your food to come? My wife calls them “do nothings” while she’s nibbling on them the whole time we are waiting for our food to be served.
The truth is, there only “do nothings” if you do nothing with them. If they are just cute or worthy of a small chuckle and they don’t spark us to look into our own lives then they really do, do nothing.