Tuesday, May 29, 2007

What Can Be Said 012 (Camouflage)

The stealthiness of our own ignorance, although reproved often in the Word, is more often the one thing we spend the most time perfecting, rather than spending time on those things that could deepen our relationship with God. We could be working on our prayer lives, (or prayer relationship) or we could be working on opening ourselves to God so He can work on changing us and bringing us further from that point in our lives where we were once alienated from the Father.

I speak now of my own mind as I do not know the mind of others. I do not intend to give excuse or lay blame to the past, how I was raised or under what conditions. God has made me to be my own person in that, I am responsible for that which is my own understanding, my own choices. I allowed these choices to become an expanse, a place where I did not want God to be.

There are within me things that I tried cleverly concealing from God, small dark little secrets that I never wanted to come out. God in His wisdom brought them to the surface of my mind but I pushed them back and concealed them with a smile. In His desire for me to grow, He found them and put them in my remembrance but I camouflaged them with prayer and worship. God, again, uncovered them and put them in the path of my feet, I tried to step over, I tried to kick them aside, I tried to cover them up but they would not move. He was telling me I would not move forward until I was willing to deal with them, until I was willing to work through them with Him. I could not move forward or side step them, but I did move. I was not willing to be obedient, in the stealthiness of my flesh I chose to step backwards.

As is with most people who are not willing to see that God has their best interest in mind that first step is usually followed by a second and third step further into the realm of disobedience.

It’s amazing, (in an daunting sort-of-way) to become aware that you have gone from being angry at God to realizing that you have no feelings at all, while adopting all manor of worldly habits and phrases. However, that was just an illusion. Even in the negative thought progress of one’s own depravity God will get your attention.